Daring to be Different

Today I've been inspired to write about being individual, and not be afraid to do so.  The inspiration came (as so often it does!) from one of our lovely brides, who has a very difficult decision to make between two dresses.  One is a classic, traditional, ivory gown, with a bit of lace, and a bit of sparkle.  She herself described it as 'safe', but it is really lovely and suited her figure perfectly.  The other gown is something quite different; still unmistakeably bridal in the layers of taffeta and tulle and its long train, but with a print fabric and a very distinctive, and not traditionally bridal, look - quite a statement, but an incredibly beautiful one.

 

So this bride is faced with a dilemma - does she go for the 'safe', traditional bridal option, which everyone will expect, and which she knows she will feel comfortable and unselfconscious in on the day, but then perhaps regret not buying the really different dress that she can't stop thinking about?   Or does she go for the different dress that she really loves, and worry about feeling over-the-top on the day, and wish she had gone for the 'safe' option?  There is no right answer here - the only person who can make that decision is the bride herself, and I'm pretty sure she will make the right decision in the end.

 

I wonder if this sort of decision's made all the harder by the idea that a bridal gown has to conform to certain 'standards'.  That a bridal gown should be plain ivory or white, with some detail on, and apparently  that this is what every girl dreams of.  Of course we are bombarded in the wedding media by pictures of pure ivory gowns on every page, and row upon row of the same in bridal shops.  Now, that is, in my experience, what most girls want (and if you do fancy the traditional 'big white dress', then you should embrace that single chance to wear it with every ounce of enthusiasm!)

 

But I also know, from my own experience, that it's not what every bride wants.  Because it's not what I wanted.  My own gown was bridal in its own way, but it certainly wasn't all ivory or white, and I think it turned a few heads on the day.   I set out on my dress shopping experience knowing one thing - that I didn't want a traditional bridal gown. This was long before I owned a bridal store, and I can tell you that  it was not easy to find!  At every turn I was met by women who wanted to persuade me into increasingly meringue-like dresses, because that was their image of what-a-girl-should-get-married-in.  I stuck to my guns and ended up with something I loved, with not a pavlova in sight, but I had to stick to those guns pretty hard.

For girls who aren't as bolshi as me, I think it can be a pretty tough thing.  Society, the media, and your friends and family will all have a tendency to make you question your decision to go with a 'different' dress.  When you are surrounded by images of what a bridal gown 'ought' to be, and well-meaning friends and relations are suggesting to you that you might regret not going down the traditional route, it can be hard to stand up and say that no, your image of a bridal gown doesn't have to be like that.  And it can make you worry that your guests or loved ones might even be disappointed with your choice of gown if you don't play it safe with the traditional option.

My advice is always, always, to stick to what feels right for you.  Let your personality shine though, and remember: It's Your Decision.

If you've always dreamt of a short dress, or a coloured dress, or just something a bit different - if that screams 'MY wedding gown' to you, then please stay true to what you love and don't be swayed by what other people like.   I know how this feels, and I know that it can feel a little unsettling to have people question your choice, but often it's just because other people can't imagine not wanting the traditional gown.

If, on the other hand, you've thrown yourself a complete curveball by ending up liking something quite different when you thought you'd go traditional, you might have a slightly harder decision to make.  Try to build up a picture of the whole wedding, rather than just a picture of you in the dress.  Think about your bridesmaids, colours, decor, flowers, stationery, and how everything ties together.  That can really help to cement which sort of dress is going to work best for you - and could rule one dress out entirely.  And ultimately, if you think the 'different' dress is the one, be brave!  Remember that the only people who really truly matter on the day are you and your fiancé.  If you love your dress, you'll look fabulous in it, which will mean that he will love it too.

Does My Bum Look Big In This?

The selections can be overwhelming, so you'll want helpful advice

Does my bum look big in this? 

When the time arrives to go shopping for a wedding dress most brides will gather together their nearest and dearest and those they trust and set out on a shopping expedition.  Appointments will be made and lunch will be organised (hopefully somewhere nice and with a glass of wine thrown in for good measure).

So when you put together the invitation list for shopping who immediately springs to mind?  Your Mum?  Best friend?  Bridesmaids?  The mother-in-law to be? Aunties, cousins, grannies?  From experience this list could go on.  Truth be told I imagine giving out the invitations to the dress shopping must be up there with the battle that can rage over the invitations to the wedding itself. The apprehension over offending Aunty Marg by not inviting her can cause stress and tension.  Just what you need when planning a wedding and preparing for an exciting shopping trip for your dress!

It can be tough deciding who to bring, but I’ve pulled together a list of people who I would generally say to avoid (unless of course you really, really love them and want them there.  Just be prepared.)

The ‘Poker Guest’

Why have I called them the ‘Poker Guest’?  Because they are totally unaware of body language and unable to read if somebody is happy or otherwise – you could win a fortune from them in a poker game!

‘Poker Guests’ are amazingly happy to be with you on your day shopping but somehow seem not to know you at all.  You will be in the changing room starting to beam as the lacing is done up, next will come shoes and accessories by which time you will be positively glowing.  The sales assistant who has known you for all of 45 minutes by this point knows that you like what you are wearing, they know it makes you feel amazing and that you are mentally wondering if this is ‘the one’.

As you step out of the changing room, grinning from ear to ear, ‘Poker Guest’ will remain completely oblivious to your obvious joy and immediately dismiss the dress out of hand and declare it “awful”.  Your smile fades and you’re left wondering if you are brave enough to wear a dress that somebody who is close to you so strongly dislikes.

‘Poker Guests’ tend to pride themselves on giving honest opinions (this will not be limited to wedding dresses) and consider themselves the family member who has to get things sorted.

Only bring a ‘Poker Guest’ if you are strong enough to do what you want and you want and able to dismiss their opinion when it is not the same as your own.

The Projectionist

So called because they continuously project their taste onto you - the dresses they pull out on the rail, the accessories, the veil, the bridesmaid dresses, EVERYTHING!

Now this might not be a problem if you share really similar tastes with this person, however if you are looking for something elegantly vintage whilst ‘The Projectionist’ believes that no bride is complete without a huge gown and 3 tier veil then you might have a problem.

A skilled sales assistant will help you avoid the overwhelming layers of satin and tulle that ‘The Projectionist’ wants you to try on but depending on how vocal they are with their vision you may find that you have to relent (this usually comes from our wanting not to offend people – I mean how do you tell your treasured guest that, quite frankly, their taste wouldn’t be out of place on My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding?).

So you emerge from the changing room, resplendent in acres of fabric and sparkles, a million miles from the image that you had in mind for your big day, and ‘The Projectionist’ jumps up with a squeal of utter delight, a small clap of her hands and a declaration that it is totally “gorgeous” and is absolutely “the one!”

How do you get out of that one?  Again you have to remain strong to your own image and find a way to politely say thanks but no thanks.  However, be warned, this may become the dress that she compares everything else to and her opinion on anything else from this point on becomes slightly redundant.

‘The Projectionist’ is likely to be your friend who decides where you should go on a Friday night out and buys you birthday presents that aren’t really to your taste but you saw her admiring in the shop window only a couple of months ago.

The Comparison Guest

We suspect you won't want your wedding
compared to anyone else's

This is likely to be a friend who has been married in the past couple of years, and is so named because everything you do in your wedding planning is compared to her experience.

The day will be peppered with phrases such as:

“When I went shopping...”

“When I tried on dresses...”

“Oh I tried that one on!”

“Remember on my wedding day...”

They have miraculously forgotten all the stress of organising a wedding and believe themselves to be experts in everything bridal by virtue of having been a bride themselves.

These guests can make things confusing, especially when the information they so freely give you conflicts with the information you are getting from your wedding supplier (this is not exclusive to wedding dresses, it includes cakes, photographers, florists, etc).

Of course not all recent brides fall into this category, but if you start to become overwhelmed with the level of ‘sharing’ and comparisons it might be best to edit the amount of information that you share with this person.

So who do you take shopping with you? 

Remember first of all that a good bridal sales assistant will listen to what you want, and will, in the most diplomatic way, help you fight your corner, and actually find the right thing for you.

To compliment that, you ideally want to bring somebody who is honest, diplomatic and who understands that it is nothing to do with their own personal taste!

Your taste, and what you want in your wedding dress, is the most important thing and your guests should recognise this.  What you want is somebody who will reply honestly when you ask “does my bum look big in this?” not the person who is too busy thinking about whether they would wear that dress themselves!

Get Clued Up

Buying your wedding dress is super-exciting. But don’t get so caught up in it that you forget to pay attention to the boring (but extremely important) details of your purchase!

We always spend time with each bride as they finalise their order, going through the terms and conditions of purchase with them, when they will need to make payments, how sizing works, what happens with alterations, collecting their dress, and making sure they understand their responsibilities and obligations throughout the process. So it’s quite surprising how often we find that customers seem unaware of some of these details a little further down the line!

Of course we understand that going through these dull details, about things that aren’t relevant right this minute, or perhaps won’t be relevant for several months, is particularly difficult when all you want to do is celebrate the fact that you’ve picked the dress you’re going to get married in. But remember that it’s important that you understand what you’re signing when you put your name on the dotted line. And that you know where to refer back to these details when the time comes.

Everyone (including us) wants to make sure the process goes smoothly and as free from stress as possible.

Getting clued up on the matter-of-fact stuff is something we all tend to do if we buy white goods, a car or a holiday. Really, buying a wedding dress is no different.

Here’s our advice for staying perfectly business-like:

• Take a deep breath and be patient when you’re going through the terms and conditions, and if you have any questions at the time, don’t be afraid to ask them! It can take a few minutes but it’s important to know what you’re signing.

• Make sure you have a copy of the terms and conditions to refer back to, and keep it somewhere safe – it might help answer any questions you have later on (and we don’t expect you to remember everything off the top of your head!)

• Don’t be afraid to come back and ask questions if you need to. Again, we know there is a lot of information to retain, and you won’t necessarily think of everything at the time when you order.

• Make sure you know the basics such as when any payments are due, how the alterations process works, and how soon you will need to come in to collect your dress. Remember that every shop is different with these, so don’t make assumptions based on someone else’s bridal experience!

• Check what responsibilities you have – for example the shop may ask you to come in within a certain time frame to try on your dress after it arrives - this will be for a good reason (such as checking that it is all as it should be with plenty of time still to spare!). If you don’t stick to your side of the bargain then you could end up putting yourself at a disadvantage.

The more informed you are, the less stressed you need to be! Simple as that. Happy planning!

You have just entered...The Accessory Zone

We are so excited we might just burst. Over the festive season we have been hard at work in the shop, creating our Accessory Zone, a dedicated area, a Boutique within a Boutique, all for our lovely range of bridal accessories. We couldn’t be happier with it. It’s beautiful (even though we do say so ourselves), and shows off the collection perfectly.

Jackets, veils, tiaras, headbands, necklaces, earrings, bracelets… you can find it all here, and you get to enjoy a coffee whilst you do. It has never been easier to create a coherent look for your wedding day.
Whether brides bought their dress from Aliya Rose or from somewhere else, it doesn’t matter – we can help to choose the right accessories to create the look. From traditional to height of fashion, we have a fantastic selection of pieces, each one hand picked to compliment the current fashions in bridalwear.

Not only that, but we have an entirely new, exclusive collection of pieces on its way to us from Starstruck Designs. Stay tuned for more information on these… you won’t be disappointed!

You can drop in to the Accessory Zone any time during our opening hours (Tues 11am-4pm, Wed – Fri 11am-5pm and Sat 9am-5pm), and if you’d like to ensure a member of staff to help you, call us to arrange a time on 01334 655303 and we’ll do our best to accommodate!

We’ll keep you posted on any accessory news!